Living with the experience of PTSD
Living your life on a daily basis, waiting to be hijacked by a rogue trigger, can be an extremely lonely and exhausting way of living in the world. As a result, many of us are existing with fear and anxiety as our constant companions. We believe we are alone with an insatiable itch that we are forever trying to hold back from scratching because when we do, it may bleed for days. I have come to understand just how difficult it is for others to comprehend what is happening internally for us on a day-to-day basis, and how so many of us have learnt to be comfortable, living uncomfortably.
After trauma, we and others often see ourselves as less, or smaller in some way, but now I have been able to see life living with Complex PTSD as something I have grown from. I now believe my life experiences have added to who I was before, which makes me so much more, not less of a person. My experiences living with Complex PTSD have taught me about hope and acceptance of who I am now by honouring my strengths, grace, and unique way of making sense of my life.
Due to its unique causes and equally individual unique symptoms and triggers, PTSD can be one of the most isolating, life-changing, and misunderstood mental health conditions one can experience. When people hear the term post-traumatic stress disorder, they often only relate it to return combat soldiers who have experienced life-threatening events in a conflict. For example, the trigger of a car backfiring and the returned soldier dropping to the ground to escape the flashback of shots from a firearm during combat.
But many everyday people are leading ordinary lives who have experienced a terrifying life-threatening event, childhood abuse, neglect, rape, or violence. Events that have changed the course of their lives forever. Just the same as those brave servicemen and women who live with this debilitating mental illness, but without the same level of understanding, support, or resources.
It is hard to make sense of our unhealed wounds, but even harder to have a loved one understand why your triggers affect your life and theirs the way they do; and why you cannot get over it “and just act normal.” The fact is, we did act normal in response to a very abnormal event, and it has left us responding to similar threats today the same way we responded to life-threatening events in the past.
The essence of PTSD is the urge to escape, tied to the fear and awareness of not being able to.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog on PTSD. If you found the insights valuable, you'll love diving deeper into the journey of healing and resilience in my book, "Uncomfortably Comfortable: Prison, PTSD and Walking Through Madness to Find Me."
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