The soul behind the book Uncomfortably Comfortable
At some point, life challenges all of us with stress or trauma that cuts deeply into our existence, reshaping our sense of self. My life, once ordinary and content as a single mother and professional working with prisoners, took an unexpected turn.
In just two years, I had experienced five separate moments of intense violence, each one a heavy brick, adding to the crumbling foundation of my mental health. The first was the weight of guilt from the prison riot; the second was a frightening episode with a mental health patient; the third was witnessing the devastating suicide of a dear friend and work colleague; the fourth was a brutal stabbing within the walls of the prison; and finally, the crushing betrayal from those who were meant to support me. Each event left scars on my mind, body, and soul that became too much for me to bear.
After the stabbing, I struggled to cope with life and was diagnosed with Complex-PTSD. I felt alone and misunderstood, as the awareness and resources of PTSD were mainly focused on combat soldiers returning from war. I found it difficult for others to understand my experiences and struggles, but I discovered many everyday people are leading ordinary lives who have also experienced a terrifying life-threatening event, childhood abuse, neglect, rape, or violence. Events that have changed the course of their lives forever.
There are many of us living this experience in isolation, and it’s time to come together, support each other, and share our lived experiences. The traumas we endured that forced us to live our day-to-day lives with PTSD, may differ, but many of us experience similar symptoms or triggers, and that is where we are the same.
Through this book, I hope to reach others who can relate to my experiences and those who may also feel misunderstood by society. For those with loved ones suffering from PTSD, I aim to provide a glimpse into the life of someone living with Complex PTSD through the art of storytelling. And for those studying trauma or simply seeking to better understand it, I hope to shed light on what Post Traumatic Stress is truly like through a lived experience. I wanted to share my journey of violence and fear with people who may be feeling alone in the world. People who exhaust all their internal energy managing their inner and external worlds to ensure they will not experience threats or anything that may trigger a threat response in them
It is hard to make sense of our own unhealed wounds, but even harder to have a loved one understand why your triggers affect both of your lives the way they do; and why you cannot just get over it “and just act normal.” The fact is, we did act normal in response to a very abnormal event, and it has left us responding to similar threats today the same way we responded to life-threatening events in the past. As the simple fact is, that the essence of PTSD is the urge to escape, tied to the fear and awareness of not being able to.
Even though this book talks about trauma and loss, I am drawing from positive insights I have gained along the way and hope to inspire others to identify their strengths on their healing journey. My inspiration came from broken pottery pieces in Japan that are repaired with gold, becoming stronger, more valuable, and more unique than they originally were.